"Once in the dark state, one is surrounded with impurities. The more he moves towards the light, the more pure he becomes. Allah is the wali of the faithful: He brings them out of darkness into light."
My hope is still surrounded by darkness. Last Night I've done a sexual thing and when I got up and started to walk to the door to get some napkins, I've accidentally stubbed my toe to the corner of my bed. Normally that would hurt a little bit and then the pain would fade away but this time it stayed. One day later, my toe was still hurting. If you don't believe a karmic happenings, then you should have said that it just a little misfortune. For those who believe, this was a warning sign. Allah wasn't happy about what I did. I know this too well because it happened right after I did that act.
What I mean is that I keep living same when I study about change but change needs to be fulfilled by actions. All I do is to study, take notes and live the way I've been.
Point is why I keep living like this and never take an action? I have to lose weight but I don't exercise, I have to do 5 daily prayers but I'm learning the ways without doing it. Sheytaan has a grip on me and sheytaan is the real trickster here. He is a partner/helper to many ways of humankind with a little twist for the bad side. So I want to do 5 daily prayers, right? Side of me tells me "You have to do it right other wise it won't be accepted and you would have wasted that time. So study it well." and then it continues to tell me little details on the path at such slow pace and patience that I can't realize it. Then weeks pass as I've never practiced the prayers. This is the scenario of Sheytaan. This is the way he is doing his job. At the end of the time he will say "No, I've just told you some things and you listened it. I'm not guilty because you were the one who listened and done the things I suggested."
So problem here is we don't realize doing it. So let's slowly and step-by-step analyze this scenario;
- Sheytaan whispered his thoughts to our ears
- We found it really logical because his whispers came to us at the most vulnerable time
- Then we took an action for it because in that little time it made sense
But we are missing the REAL IMPORTANT PART here: everybody thinks right? Thoughts belongs to our brain. But if Sheytaan whispers his thoughts into our ear then our brain has +1 sinister thought that we don't realize and we don't count the numbers of our thoughts in our brain (This especially would be difficult if you have an ADHD like me) Didn't you figure out yet? OUR BRAIN IS FULL OF INFESTATION WITH SO MANY SINSTER THOUGHTS OF SHEYTAAN. Unfortunately we believe that every memory belongs to us when certainly most of them are not.
So because of that, we can clearly say that not every thought is belong to us. That's why we need to figure out what can we do to differentiate our main thoughts from the vast majority of them. Because you know what, some of our thoughts also came from our addiction. For instance, I was a real hookah lover and now I'm smoking hookah like everyday by losing the battle against it. I have an addiction to the porn and masturbation but my plans of not doing it have been failed for so many times.
That's why we have an everyday struggle of our own thoughts. Even now I'm forgetting simple English words while writing here because somethings are trying to interrupt me. Somethings want to control me to not do something stupid and I'm doing a stupid thing for writing here about my researches and analyzes. Of course it's stupid for them because keeping me under control is their main mission until I die of an old age.
People need to realize that we have a different world around us which is hidden of course. But would you see or sense threats clearly if you would be a blindfold under the dark ocean? That's exactly what I'm talking about. People don't know the dangers lurking in our world and around us.
Could you all tell me if you would be in denial or acceptance when a person told you that some of your beliefs, thoughts and habits could be infused with a bad thought and you couldn't be able to realize it because you were having/doing them for so long?
Answer is simple: You wouldn't be in acceptance. "This is nonsense! Everybody doing it for centuries! You are paranoid. You are crazy! Get help." you would say.
I DID say these sentences in the past too and now I lived through this realization process and I've searched it very well. But unfortunately my research let me go deeper into darkness and it did affect me. Now I'm trying to change for good and it is really difficult. It's not difficult because of the "Once you matured, changing your character will be impossible." sentence, it's about the really vast dark energy upon me that using every power to control me and I'm too weak to stand against it.
At the very young age, I was like "How those addicted people couldn't stop what they are doing? They are weak and I'm powerful." NO! You were powerful but in lifetime everything changes every single time. Now I feel really powerless because I can't fight and win against my own demons. But high-key I'm powerful then my past self because the realization and experience are far more than it had been before. I was pure and innocent child who couldn't be able to see the reality and was always believing the positive. Now with my knowledge and experience, I see that life is more complex and pathways are vastly more crowded.
I need... I have to take an action. All I think of is either playing games, learn to code, watching YouTube videos etc. Because this is the habit which I'm addicted to.
We need to change that habit but doing so will make the loop stay hidden and continuous. I need to break that look but I can't break it if I focus on it. I have to focus on my decision speaks.
Out thought are not ours right? Also the time is valuable so we're trying to manage time by doing other known actions fast; so we are acting on our thoughts fasts without questioning them. This is the only way: Sit back, take a deep breath and question your thoughts;
- Is this action really necessary?
- What will I be gaining from it when I take an action for it?
- Are there additional ways to do it?
- What will happen if I don't act upon it?
And don't forget that, whatever you are doing, you are doing it because the time was right and Allah LET you do it. This is a joyful realization for me. I just hope I can be Powerful at the end of this challenge.
Because I wanted to be powerful and Allah gave me challenges. This shows me that Allah has answered my prayers. I'm peaceful just thinking of this.
Until we meet again at a new post. Farewell for now.
🔖 [Wali : means "Guardian/Protector" in Arabic culture]
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