DELIGHT OF DARKNESS AND THE SOOTHING LIGHT

 

I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that everything is going down to an even more darker state than the state were a month ago.

     I'm fasting for almost all Ramadan and it's not difficult for me. But I can't help but feeling powerless again and again. There must be a meaning or a thing. I don't know. I don't know which station I'm on in the dark tunnels of life. But I'm sure of one thing; I need to do something before Ramadan ends. Because I know that once the Ramadan ends, darkness and the creatures of night will come after me with more power this time. 

• Solar Eclipse on 8th of April which also means second eclipse on Ramadan
• Red Heifers
• Gaza's current state
• My demonless dark form... 

I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that everything is going down to an even more darker state than the state were a month ago.

That's why I've started to do 5 daily prayers. Right of the bat I was full of soothing feelings and calmness. I've tried like 2 or 3 days and my legs, my waist, my feet are aching. I was in the stone hard state for too long that every joint and limb of my body is rusty now. But a nail removes another nail... I have to try the hard way before Ramadan ends. 

I need to have more power over my dark state and over my nafs before it's too late.

I need to burn down the bridges which are leading to the wrong ways and to my dark past. This part is really hard but to develop my new self costs me my old self. Nothing was easy in this life and this life haven't meant to be permanent. I know that everything will come to an end. I was never truly happy in this world. So let's make effort for another world.

    Yet another hardship rises from the depths of a dark and cold ocean. I'm addicted to the Delight of Darkness. I love to remain in the dark. I love to fight with demons in the dark. I'm addicted to be a  traveler in the Darkness. I love to rest in pitch black darkness.

>>>  But I need to step into the light. Yet, part of me belongs to the unknowingness of the pitch black Darkness. My hope belongs to the Light but my calmness belongs to the Darkness. 

My path was always in the dark but the power I'm using in that darkness comes from my light.

My power's been struggling to shine in dark dreams as the dark shadows grow stronger.

I guess Evil and Good remains equally in both Darkness and Light. Finding Good in Darkness and Light IS my aim. Rest in Darkness, gain power in Light. 

It was never about leaving the darkness, it was about making my light stronger and there is only one way of doing that: to ask more light power from its original source... to ask from Allah.

This time a simple dua is not enough. I need to fully give myself to Allah completely. Only then I can be victorious. 

But to be able to do that, I need to learn Islam from the beginning. I need to be able to Love Allah and his messenger Prophet Muhammed PBUH.

My childhood and early teenage years was all about chaos.

Then I tried to be a dark/wicked one and I have fallen into the ABYSS and started to wander in it for too long.

Now I must light this ABYSS with Light. Path was never more than once. There was only one way. Way of White and Way of Black was always the same. This path can be evolved or changed in certain little ways: to choose to do good or to choose to do bad.

I don't know how many nights I will be a Maiden of the Dark 

              and how many days I will be a Warrior of the Light 

                                                but I guess I'll be both of them for a long time. 

I just need to do my research well and force myself to do good... 

                                                                              then we're gonna be okay.