As I go deep into night itself, I have minimum light with a vast darkness. I'm trying to figure out what I'll be or what I'll be doing without really knowing how to fix myself.
In the past, I used to have powers made of light that I could use in my nightmares against the darkest creatures. Nowadays, that light only lingers deep within. Did I lose my power or is it fading away?
Either way, I'm losing my pureness. I'm becoming darker and darker... I'm only using dark creatures' essences, I'm breathing their aura/spirit and using darkness to kill them. It wasn't always like this. I've had pure light powers. I think as I got older and more corrupted, light within me keeps continue to fade away.
In my darkest times, I prevent praying to god. I just wanted to deal with darkness with my own power but I guess I draw power from god. That's why I think the power fades quickly. The more connection between me and Allah weakens the more my physical and spiritual power fades away.
I'm feeling like I don't have a protection anymore. All the dark dreams and nightmares keep haunting me. I'm trying to heal myself but without Allah's direct help, I'm struggling. Just after I said to myself that I would be a peaceful, humble person, I'm starting to be more angry than before. I've been in a battle with the devil for my whole life as a Muslim man and I'm just realizing now that I'm being defeated every day.
There are huge clear signs that judgment day is close and all I do is watching porn, masturbating at men and procrastinating 5 times prayers.
I know Allah, prayers and the light speaks my name. They are calling me. I can see and sense in every part of my life that they are calling my name. This is the true way for me.
I want to be the Knight in Shining Armor again.
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